MC 038: 3 Biggest Mistakes Couples Make in Communicating

Summary: What are the biggest three mistakes couples make in talking to each other? In this episode, Phillip Enkey is back from serving his country and is ready to dive right back into discussing marriage and relationships. Phillip and Benji discuss the three biggest mistakes couples make and give examples.


The Office: S2 E22: Casino Night –

Click – Adam Sandler –

The Male Brain – Louann Brizendine M.D. –

The Mighty Ducks –

The Chosen –

Marriage Code Podcast – Relationship Inventory –

Marriage Code Podcast – How to Get Spouse Certified –

In this episode:

  • Welcome back Phillip
  • 3 Mistakes
    • Assuming we know what the other is thinking
    • Expectations not discussed
    • Looking for an outward reason
  • Example from “The Office”
  • Reflection vs Deflection in communication
  • The “counter-intuitive” solution
  • Do
    • Find the “root” problem
    • Focus on them first and trust they will mirror you
    • Teach Them to communicate with you
  • Do NOT
    • Skip conversations that they “should know”
    • Use “You” language
    • Use absolute language

“Expectations without agreement equals frustration.” – Kirk Duncan

Benjamin Boekweg

Benjamin is an author, presenter, and co-host of the Marriage Code podcast.

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